I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve heard my parents say, “We raised you, we fed you, we helped you with your education, we helped with your marriage, and this is how you treat us?”

Look, parents, you chose this. You made the conscious decision to become parents. And if you didn’t want to provide your kids with the basic necessities—food, shelter, education—then maybe you should’ve reconsidered having children in the first place.

I say this with the utmost respect: your children do not owe you anything.

Their lives are their own. They don’t exist to fulfill your personal needs or live up to some unpaid debt of gratitude.

I love my Asian culture—don’t get me wrong. The sense of community, the closeness, and the emphasis on family bonds are beautiful. But here’s the truth: so often, our families use these very connections to hold us back for their selfish reasons. It’s suffocating, and it creates a sense of obligation that is both unrealistic and unfair.

I vividly remember my parents trying to force one of my siblings into a marriage by saying, “We’ve done everything for you. If you love us, you’ll agree to this marriage.” Wait—what? Are you serious? Since when did love turn into an obligation to sacrifice your happiness and independence?

Here’s the thing: kids are not your puppets. They are individual people with their own thoughts, feelings, and dreams. Their lives are not meant to revolve around fulfilling your emotional or societal needs.

In many Asian cultures, there’s this unwritten rule where there’s always one “designated child” who is expected to take care of the parents—no questions asked. The other siblings? They might get a free pass, but the chosen one? Well, if they step away from that responsibility, they’re branded as selfish or ungrateful. And unfortunately, this way of thinking still permeates many Asian households today.

It’s time to shift the narrative. Parenting is not a transaction. It’s not about what you gave or what you did for your children. It’s about love, support, and allowing them the space to live their own lives. If you’ve done your job well, your children should feel empowered to pursue their dreams—not burdened by the weight of fulfilling your unspoken expectations.

So to all the parents out there: please understand, your kids are not obligated to carry your emotional or financial baggage. They are not your lifeline when you feel lonely or disappointed. They are not here to clean up your messes or live according to your rules.

And to the children reading this—it’s okay to say no. It’s okay to live your life and prioritize your own happiness. You are not a prisoner to the choices your parents made for you.